I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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