Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
