There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
