she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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