Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
