I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
