I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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