Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
