youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
