i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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