He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
