I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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