I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
