Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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