you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
