He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
