she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
