we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
