I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
