so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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