he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
