It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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