i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
