Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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