i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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