So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
