who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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