Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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