Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
