i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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