Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
