I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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