More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
