Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
