Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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