it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
