How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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