Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
