im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
