At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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