My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
