What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
