Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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