Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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