remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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