So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
