Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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