At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
