i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
