just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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