I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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