I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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