Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
