she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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