bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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